Sometimes

 

Sometimes you meet someone

on vacation,  

or through work,

somewhere,

and never see them again,

but you remember them

all your life.

Time Flies

I was told long ago that as we age time seems to pass more quickly and it has proven to be true.  I have noted this in the last few years but last Sunday the fact seemed to hit hard.  I usually do laundry on Sundays and last week as I was sorting clothes I was struck so clearly with the sensation that I had just done laundry the day before.  It was as though the whole previous week had not even happened.  It was a disturbing sensation.

There's nothing to be done about it.  Time moves more quickly as we age.  But it does seem rather cruel that as our remaining days become fewer they pass so fast.

Winter

It's an unpopular thing to say around my friends but I actually like winter.

It's much easier to warm up when it's cold than it is to cool down when it's hot and humid. 

People stay inside more and the streets are less busy for walking.

People don't stay out as long with their barking dogs.

People don't stay outside making noise in general for as long as they do in warm weather.

I like wearing sweaters.  I like the shorter days.  

I agree that snow storms can be daunting and I do worry about slipping and falling on icy sidewalks but when I can bundle up and go for a walk on a cold sunny day with no wind like today I am so happy.

TV: Only Murders in the Building (Season 4)

And they're back!

And in good form.   Our trio are together rather than apart.

And there were some very nice human moments.  I hesitate to use the word poignant because it has connotations of being maudlin but for  me, while the program as a whole is a delight to watch, these moments just add something special.

Agatha Christie did this in her writing.  Her books were primarily mysteries but she often showed something of the human consequences of the deeds in her stories.  I think this is one of the reasons why her work has remained so popular.

 

TV: Only Murders in the Building (Seasons 1,2,3)

I have heard about and wanted to watch this for a while but only got access to it this month.  I haven't watched Season 4 yet but wanted to write about the seasons I have seen.

Seasons 1 and 2 lived up to everything wonderful I have heard about them and more - probably the most original program I have seen in years.  The plotting and style and cast were a delight.  The team of Steve Martin, Martin Short and Selena Gomez seemed unlikely but they were terrific together.  All things that you can find being said all over the internet.

However I was disappointed in Season 3.  It's not terrible by any means but there was something "less" about it.  I think one problem is that there is less intricacy to the plot, it's more in your face.  Also the kind of detail and empathy shown to all the characters in the first two seasons are missing - the hidden depths and complexity that made them feel real and personal isn't there and we're left with types rather than individuals.  They're fun and entertaining but we don't really care about them.   Meryl Streep and Paul Rudd are talented actors and I like them both but here they're just plot pieces and don't feel real.  (Ms Streep has a decent first scene where she auditions but that's really the only chance she's given to do something real with her character.). They don't really have a chance.  I don't know if this is the fault of the script or the direction or both.  The three leads fare better but to a degree they're coasting on the good will they built up in the first two series and I wonder why they kept the them separate for so much of the time.  It's watching them together that's the fun.  

I'd like to give a mention to James Caverly who plays Theo.  He's an excellent actor.  He's mainly in Season 1 but when he's on screen he's subtle and convincing.  

Movie: Perfect Days

 

This movie is, like it's title, perfect.

I understand that it was filmed in only 17 days.  That is amazing since every scene, every performance was spot on.  The cinematography is spot on.  

Perhaps I'm just seeing this movie at the perfect time in my life but I found it very emotional and very satisfying.

I will probably be writing more about it in an upcoming entry I have in mind.

Cooking

 I have a small whole chicken that I'm going to roast.  I looked on the internet to get roasting temperatures and times for chicken.

I got all sorts of hits but every one I went to turned out to be a long post about essentially nothing and when I finally got to the "recipes" they were vague beyond usefulness.

There was a time when the internet was a great, simple, and quick way to look up how to cook something.  Now cooking posts seem to be full of blather and useless "information."

In the end I dug out my mother's old paperback cookbook from the 1930s or 40s - the pages are browning and getting brittle so you have to treat the book carefully - there's no publication information or date anywhere.  

In there in about 30 seconds I found a beautiful little chart of cooking times and temperatures.

Music and Me

 

I realized just recently that I hardly ever, or rather never, sit down and listen to music anymore.  Yes, I will have music playing in the room via the internet but more often than not I will have ocean or wind sounds on, just background in the condo so that I am less likely to be startled by outside noises breaking the silence. But I'm not really listening to it.

I grew up in a household where classical music was the rule and popular music was something I would hear on the radio in the morning when my parents were listening for the news and weather forecast.

In high school I was introduced by friends to Barbra Streisand and Petula Clark.  I really liked Streisand in the "New York years" but am not as fond of her later recordings.  In university I discovered Judy Collins.  In my 30's I came to really enjoy cabaret style singers such as Andrea Marcovicci.  But I mainly listened to classical music.

I don't know quite what the change has been.  Recently I have sat myself down and listened to some CD's but I find myself getting restless.  It's not that I don't like what I'm hearing.  

It seems rather a shame since with the internet music is so available, and on demand.

I wonder if this is an age thing?  Do other people lose interest/patience which things they have enjoyed as they age?

TV: Mongeville

 

This is a French tv series that I'm watching on DVD.  It's a cozy mystery type production and I'm enjoying it.

What I want to comment about is the music.   The first three episodes had this wonderful score, I guess you call it modern symphonic or some such description.  A bit atonal.  Especially over the end credits.

But staring with episode 4 they changed to a much more modern popular hippy-boppy type of music.  It's all right I guess but I find it kind of distracting and even annoying at times.

I guess they felt it reflects the cozy mystery feel better.

Movie: Wilby Wonderful (2004)

 

I've never understood why this movie isn't "around" more.  It's like its title, wonderful.

It's a very Canadian movie not just in terms of its cast and crew, but in its gentleness, and kindness, and subtlety.  For me everything here is just spot on - the acting, the directing, the script, the cinematography;

Perhaps it's just my age but a film like this about regular people getting through their regular lives is somehow comforting and even inspiring.  And isn't what you want art to be.

Piano

 

A friend recently posted on Facebook about how in the past he had played the piano.  Which got me thinking about my own past with the piano.

I took lessons for many years as a child and into my teens.  I passed Grade X from the Royal Conservatory in Toronto when I was in high school and then wanted to stop lessons.  Ostensibly because I wanted more time for my regular classes but largely because I was tired of practising and wanted more time to myself to  do the things I wanted to do - largely reading.  That's been a constant in my life - wanting time to myself and by myself to do the things that interest me.

In my thirties I was looking around for a hobby and thought it would be nice to get back to playing the piano.  I bought a piano and arranged for lessons at the Conservatory with a teacher who turned out to be excellent.  I wasn't interested in pursuing exams, I just wanted to play for myself.  I took lessons for two (three?) years and pulled myself back up to and past the quality of playing I had as a teenager.  

But there were things I eventually had to acknowledge.  I didn't love playing the way many people (including my mother) do - it was always work.  I never felt free or relaxed playing  - it was always an intellectual thing, not an emotional one.  It made me very tense - I used to get horrible aches along the ride side of my face (these stopped after I quit lessons).  I was beginning to resent the time practising was taking.  I had reached a point where any further improvement was going to require time and effort that I was just not willing to provide.  So once again I stopped lessons.

I continued to play for myself but irregularly and less and less over time.  Eventually I realized I had stopped altogether.  This was at the time that I was beginning to embrace minimalism and I sold the piano - which is something I do not regret.

After all that history, the reason I started this post was to say something about my reaction to my friend's post.  I was thinking how strange it was to have put so much time, effort and money into something and then abandon it.  (Perhaps one of the reasons I restarted lessons was because I felt I had that background and should do something with it.).   What I came to feel was that although it was something I no longer did I had no regrets that I had done it.  It was something I experienced  and it must have changed me and my view of the world and life in ways I'm not even aware of.  Like the years I took Latin in high school - it's not something I use, but I'm glad I had that chance - Latin is a very logical language and I think the knowledge I gained of grammar and sentence structure and logic has stood me in good stead.

So in the end I feel glad of the time I spent with the piano but at the same time I don't regret that it's no longer part of active life.

Solo

I can't remember a particular time when I decided that I was not going to find and mate and that I would be living my life on my own.

But at some point I stopped by pairs of things like coffee mugs and started purchasing just one.'

Book Lending

 

A friend who was over for dinner recently said, as he was leaving, "Next time I'm here I'm going to check out your books".  Now, this is a person who does a lot of reading but his words struck horror into my heart.

I don't like lending books, I have never liked lending books.  I have had bad experiences in the past with people borrowing books and not returning them, or returning them damaged.  Books have been an important and major part of my life since I first went to the library as a child.

I don't know why some people think that books on your shelf are somehow free to be borrowed at their whim.  People don't borrow pictures off your walls, or tchotchkes off your surfaces, or clothes from your closet or (generally) dishes from your kitchen.  Or, in the old days, LPs and CDs.  Why is that they think they have some right to grab your books?

Where does this attitude come from that you are somehow obligated to lend your books?

I estimate that I used to have well over two thousand books in my home.  When I embraced minimalism it was very hard but I gradually cut that down to around fifty books.  That kind of culling should  clearly indicate just how precious those books that I selected to keep are to me.

I know I can just refuse to lend them but I don't want to alienate my friend.   I don't have that many friends left.  I can't afford to lose one.

So I find myself reorganizing my shelves, picking out the books that mean the most to me and hiding them in drawers.  I have even gone down to the junk/exchange room in the basement of my building and picked out books that it would seem likely that I would own and put them on my shelves to replace the books I have removed.

I like seeing my special books on my shelf, just as I like seeing the few pictures and ornaments I have displayed.  Now I feel like I have to hide my books away to protect them.

Gone?

 

Back when there was still a "Next Blog" button on Blogger I found a lot of interesting blogs that I started following.  Since the loss of the button I haven't found a single new blog to follow.

Over time most of these blogs have stopped posting or just disappeared altogether.

I'm now down to one blog that still posts regularly.

There were two others that I have followed for years and which had regular postings which I enjoyed.

One was a poetry blog by an older man who wrote a lot about aging and the approach of death.  His last post was six months ago.

The other was a photography blog which included both general photography and photos of his family.  Over many years I got to feel that I knew, and liked,  these people.  His last post was eleven months ago.

I can't help but fear the worst, that both of them have died.  Not necessarily of course - they may be health or family or other reasons why they have stopped.

I miss them.

I'm also and older man and death will be coming.  No one I know has any idea that I have a blog.   I keep no notes.  The password is not written down anywhere.

There are times when I go fairly long periods without posting.    If it appears at some point that I am gone for good I'd like to say thanks to everyone who bothered reading.  

Travel Insurance

 

So, another story in the news this morning about a Canadian, travelling to the USA, believing the travel insurance they purchased will protect them.  Then a heart attacks happens while they're there and after submitting the $600K plus claim it is refused on a technicality.

This is not a one time happening.  I hear this sort of story often.

Even if the claim is accepted it can result in only partial payment.

I don't like travelling but I have been thinking I would like to visit some friends in the US - but I am old and have preexisting heath conditions and I'm now thinking it's not worth the risk.

It's perhaps time to just make a final decision that travel outside of Canada is something that I no longer do.

Birthday Cards

 

I had a birthday this month and was a little sad about not getting cards from some people to whom I always send a card.

Perhaps the sending of physical cards is just going out of style.  I am always pleased to receive a card, happy that someone has thought enough of me to remember the date and go to the bother to mail a card.

I also take pleasure in sending cards.  I like preparing this bit of paper that's going to go through the postal system and that they're going to receive at their home.  It just a little way of letting them know that I care about them and think of them enough to buy and prepare a card and not just do a few clicks on the computer to send a greeting.

Now I'm wondering if I will continue to send cards to everyone or if I will stop sending to the people who don't send cards to me.  How many years should I send and not receive a card before I decide to stop?

Shoes in the House

 

There seems to be this thing going on in the social media world.

Lots of people chiming in about being asked to remove their shoes when they visit someone's home.

I imagine this is mainly a "thing" in the US and Canada.  I believe there are lots of places in the world where it is assumed that you will remove your shoes when you enter someone's house.

Personally I think it is a really good idea.  We walk in buildings, on and off transit and on sidewalks - the very sidewalks where dogs pee and poo!  Why would we want to wear that footwear inside our clean homes?  I have friends who request no shoes and I am happy to comply.  I don't ask it of people who visit me because I just don't want the hassle if someone objects.  I don't have anyone over to visit all that often anyway.

However, there are people on the web who seem absolutely furious about the very idea and say they won't take their shoes off because it's somehow infringing on their freedom.  I just don't understand that attitude.  It's someone else's home.  It's their choice.  If you don't like it then don't enter.  

It's a matter of courtesy, of respecting others' rights, of behaving like an adult.

If someone came to my home and refused to do something I asked them to do or not do I would tell them to leave.  And never invite them again.

Baby Boomers' Parents

 

I've been thinking lately about the people who raised the Baby Boomer generation.

I was born in the first wave of the late 1940's.

My parents were born just before 1920 and lived through The Depression and The Second World War.

There would be Boomer babies born to people who themselves were born before 1910  and would have clear memories of The First World War, the Influenza Pandemic, The Depression and The Second World War.

Experiencing these huge events has to have made a deep impression on them and their view of the world.  These people had lived through perilous times and would have a clear sense of how fragile life is, and how easily things can be taken away from us, and both how cruel and how wonderful human beings can be.

There must have been studies done on how this affected their child rearing attitudes.  I need to try and find some.

Movie: Oklahoma! (1955)

 

I watched this film this week.  I don't know when I last saw it but it was decades ago.  I was engrossed, captivated, delighted to find that it is still wonderful to watch.  I couldn't help but notice the care and precision that went into every aspect.  The old Hollywood approach where everything had to be the best.  I don't think recent musicals come anywhere near this standard.

It was also interesting how subtly sexuality was handled.  Nothing blatant yet clearly there.  At the risk of sounding like an old prude I have to say it's hard not to think of the overt sexual scenes in current productions as being somehow more adolescent.

Paper Towels

 

I've noticed many times that people tend to grab one, two, three or more paper towels in a bunch when they need to use them.  Similarly with antiseptic wipes - two, not one.   I don't do this - I take one and use it and then take more only if one was not enough.

I think this may come from my childhood.  My parents grew up during The Depression.  My father on a farm where they were poor and survived because they could produce most, if not all, of their own food.  My mother's family was a little better off and her father had a job, but to keep things going my grandmother moved the kids to the basement and rented out the bedrooms to boarders, and in the summer she turned the back yard into a garden and sold any excess around the neighbourhood.

So I grew up in an environment of not wasting and not using more than you need.  

In the 1950's it was still a time when you changed into old clothes when you got home from work or school.  You also wore those old clothes until they were worn out.

My friends tend to be environmentally conscious people so it the inconsistency surprises me when they use more of something than they need.

A Fall

 

I had a fall today, at a friend's house, on the stairs.  I was alone in the house at the time and accidentally brushed against a framed picture on the wall near the top of the stairs and knocked it off - I made a grab for it and I guess my damaged leg didn't support me and I fell, banging my jaw on the top of a, thankfully padded, dining chair and then landing on my side on the floor.  Nothing particularly hurt but I made my self just lie there for a bit and breathe before trying to get up.  I feel ok but I wonder what's going to hurt when I wake up tomorrow!

Looking back it is interesting that as I fell I had such a sense of myself as a human body.  I think most of the time I experience myself as a brain in a head.

Of course right now I feel very aware of myself as being an old/older person and have a strong feeling of being vulnerable.  This is also amplifying my feeling that it may be time for me to move to the senior's independent living place I have been considering, someplace where help would be on site if I needed it.

An Incident of Panic

Late last evening my internet went down.  I pushed the restart button on my modem but that did not fix it so I decided to wait and see if service was restored.

I thought I would use my phone to connect to the web but that wouldn't work, which led me to think it was a major problem with the provider (possibly like the cyberattack on the library last fall).  I realize now that I should have turned off wifi on my phone since that was working and it would continue to try and connect that way as long as it found my wifi signal.   I tried calling both ways from my house to/from my cell phone and that wasn't working.  So I concluded - major problem.

That's when I started going in to distress mode - something that I have found happens so easily as I get older - I just don't have the confidence that I can deal with things the way I did when I was younger.   Now I can understand and sympathize with my parents who seemed to get dithery as they aged - I'm doing the same thing.

Most of my tv access was down - except for the few channels I can pick up with my box antenna, which reminded me to be glad of the DVDs I still own.   I thought of ebooks and looked at my readers and became aware of the number of books I own but hadn't actually downloaded - again a reminder to be grateful for the physical books I still own.

This afternoon I am going to a birthday function out in the west end of the city. I had decided to splurge and take an Uber rather than transit but got panicky when I thought that my cell wasn't working so how was I going to connect with Uber?  I could take transit but I wasn't sure exactly where the house was and didn't know what subway stop to use or bus to take and I didn't have internet access to maps, and I no longer own a paper map of the city.

I decided there was no point going on fussing and went to bed.  But things were on my mind and I woke up this morning with stomach pain ( not unusual when I'm stressed) and took antacids and then an acid blocker - that helped somewhat but I'm still feeling off.

I got up, checked the modem which still showed a red light. I checked my phone and had that moment when I thought to turn off the wifi and was able to connect to the net.  And see that there were no reports of a major outage.  I went to my provider's site and found their auto fix function - that led me through rebooting my modem and then unplugging it (something which really should have occurred to me last night!). Finally my internet was back!  

A lot of fuss and stress but it really shows me just how much I depend on the internet to live my life day to day.  I've written before about my thoughts of moving to an independent living seniors building and this is the sort of happening that makes me feel that that is a good idea.  I live alone, I've never been really good at coping with things, and perhaps it is time to make that move before I get to be even more of a ditherer who can't cope on his own.

Home Expenses

This morning I added up what I pay per month for condo fees, insurance, property taxes and "communication services" (i.e. landline, cell phone and internet), but not food, clothing etc.  

I found that the communication things are a full 20% of the total.  And I don't have cable TV, just Netflix and BritBox (which I did not include in the monthly total).

When I grew up in the 1950s people paid to have a telephone.  

Then cable TV came along.  Then the internet and cell phones.

Yet, in this modern world I cannot imagine not having the internet and my cell phone.  It just seems like a huge part of my necessary expenses.  I pay more for these things that I do property taxes.

Pitch

 

One thing I've come to understand -

as a senior -

when small children emit those high pitched screams -

it cuts through your head like a knife.

Honesty

I moved to Toronto from a small town in 1967.  

I remember in those years when I was attending university that newspapers were left in boxes along the  sidewalks.  You simply picked up a paper and there was a box attached and you put your coins in there to pay.  There were no safeguards, you could cheat if you wanted, but clearly at that time most people paid and whatever loss there was due to cheating didn't require them to change the system.  

I remember being with a friend once who put pennies in to pretend they were paying and I was so disappointed in them. I seem to remember them using some flimsy justification about being a student and needing to watch their spending.  I actually went back later and paid for the paper - that was how my parents raised me, they would have been appalled if I had just let it go.  However, I wasn't brave enough to confront my friend or deposit the coins to pay for the paper in front of them.  But I've never been good at confrontation.

What bought this history to mind was hearing recently about the huge problems stores are having with shoplifting and with people cheating at self-checkouts. 

I'm sure people who do this manage to reason to themselves why it was ok to do it.  I know there have always been people who cheat.  The thing that troubles me is that there seems to be so much of it now, that it seems to be the norm rather than the exception.  That so much effort has to be spent to try and guard against it.

My parents were the sort of people who if, after they got home, found a mistake in their favour on a sales slip would go back to the store and pay the difference.  

April 8, 2024

 

It's almost a month since I've posted here.  

I'm still dealing with leg problems, some things have improved but I'm still not able to walk normally - I get around but it's a bit awkward and tiring.

My sensitive stomach has been bothering, probably because I haven't been paying enough attention to my diet.  And allowing myself too many "treats".

However, the spring flowers are up and buds are appearing on bushes and trees.  One of my favourite times of the year.  At my age you can't help but wonder if this could be your last spring, but that makes you more appreciative of the simple fact of being here to enjoy it this year.

A Visit

 

A very dear friend of mine died around Christmastime.  She was a truly special lovely person and I feel the sadness every time something brings her to mind.

Last night I had a dream in which we were at a backyard bbq, sitting next to each other at a table, and enjoying the day.  Then I realized that she was dead and her being there couldn't be real.  

Then I was lucky enough to think that it didn't matter, to just accept the moment and appreciate this bit of time with her.  I was so happy. 

That feeling was still with me when I woke up.

Movie: Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny

 

Action and effects aside what I want to say about this movie has to do with the characters.

Raiders of the Lost Ark was a wonderful movie. Fresh, new, bright, charming. I rewatched it recently and it has held up well.  The match between Karen Allen and Harrison Ford was brilliant - they made a great screen team.

Temple of Doom was also really good.  Kate Capshaw was great.  Karen Allen was missing but Capshaw was a strong enough performer to carry us along.

The Last Crusade.  The match here was between Ford and Sean Connery.  Alison Doody wasn't given much to work with and didn't have much of a chance against the chemistry between Ford and Connery, not to mention Denholm Elliott.   

The Cyrstal Skull.  Lots of familiar action here, not a great plot. Even Cate Blanchett, while fun, wasn't exactly riveting.  But Karen Allen was back and the Indy-Marian chemistry saved the film.  We had missed her in the two previous films without necessarily even being aware of it.

The Dial of Destiny.  Films 2,3 and 4 had references to bits of business in the films that came before them but this film was just too full of them.  Lots and lots of action.  Lots and lots.  Lots.  Some of the quiet in-between scenes were quite effective.  I like Phoebe Waller-Bridge but there was a lack of chemistry between her and Ford.  I've read that Karen Allen was ready to do this film but somehow "they" decided not to use her except for a small bit at the end.  What a mistake.  It was so satisfying seeing Marian and Indy together at the end of Crystal Skull.  All that energy was there to use in this film and someone decided to squander it.  The couple of minutes of Indy and Marian at the very end was the highlight of the whole film.  By not teaming them for the film a huge opportunity was lost.

Dubbing and Subtitles

 

I almost always have subtitles turned on when I watch things.  I find I miss dialogue - people talk too quickly, they mumble, the soundtrack is too loud, they have an accent I'm not competent at interpreting, and of course I'm old and my hearing is no doubt not what it was.  It's not just a matter of turning the sound up since that doesn't help with mumbling or very low voices and I don't like it too loud, nor do I want to disturb my neighbours.  (I have always had some problems with hearing people in real life, not that I can't hear the sound, but somethings I can't distinguish the words. Especially if there is background noise or other conversations going on.)

Usually if something not in English I watch with English subtitles and the original language. Sometimes the voices they use for dubbing are so totally incongruous with the actors real voice, and with the emotion shown by the original actor.  There are of course many levels of competence in dubbing and often I just try to avoid watching peoples' mouths.  

Occasionally I watch with both subtitles and dubbing in English.  With some shows it is amazing how much discrepancy there is between the two.  It can be minor but sometimes  it's like there are two entirely different versions of the dialogue.  Sometimes it's like there are two entirely different plots.

Boundaries

 

My drop foot is slowly improving but I'm still walking with a limp, which is very tiring and I find it has limited how far I can walk.  I find there are places and stores that are usually part of my daily walks that I just can't/don't get to.  

I am aware that my world has shrunken down over the last years and the physical area of the city I am normally active in has become limited. This is something that I think is generally true for people as they move into old age.  Your world in many ways, not just physically, becomes smaller.  Some of that, yes, is physical, but it's also psychological.  I feel less and less like part of the current world.  I find myself unable to really relate to a lot of TV and movies.  

I also have a sense of "my world" dying out.  Friends die, people that I grew up watching on tv and in movies die, authors that I admired die.  That feels like the world I lived in disappearing and leaves me with a sense of being in line to go.  And of not being a part of the world anymore but living apart from it, almost as an observer.

So I am hoping that the drop foot clears and that I can, at least for a while longer, get my physical walking area back to its familiar boundaries .

Vulnerable

 

My "drop foot" is slowly improving and while I still limp when walking it is less pronounced.  Walking in the outside world I get frustrated because it slows me down and I get tired quickly.  I can also feel a bit of strain in my right hip and I don't want that to become another problem.

I've been given some gentle exercises to do and told to keep my spine as straight as I can - don't bend over when brushing my teeth, sit up straight in chairs.  My home needs a good vacuuming, dusting and the floors mopped but I'm basically afraid of the lifting and moving that involves -  I don't want to make things worse or have a relapse.

I'm wondering if maybe the time has come when I can't go on doing my own housework.  

I'm feeling very vulnerable.  This situation has made me so aware of how little it would take for me to not be able to manage living on my own anymore.  At the same time I have to admit that I am in many ways tired of managing on my own.  I have many minor home repairs that should be done but avoid doing anything about them as long as I can find a way around them.  

I have two friends who have moved into an independent-living seniors apartment building and are very happy.  I am very attracted to the idea of not being responsible for minor repairs or replacing/repairing aging appliances, or getting the ducts cleaned or the heat/cool unit serviced.  Also having staff available if I should need medical assistance.   (Or am I just lazy?)

I am also a little hesitant about giving up owning my own place and going back to being a tenant. Yet as I type that I feel a little happy twinge at the thought of not owning.

February 16, 2024

 

RIP  Alexei Navalny

Human Kindness

 

I had a sciatica incident recently and it has cleared but left me with "foot drop".  My doctor thinks that will clear up on its own but in the meantime I'm left walking with a limp and finding myself easily off balance.

What I have noticed when I'm out walking is that people seem at times to go out of their way to make navigating the world more difficult for me.  I've had people brush past me (which throws my balance off) I assume because I'm moving too slowly. I've had a woman refuse to move over even an inch on the sidewalk and actually bump into me on purpose (when I was already at the very edge and could move no further out the way).  I had a woman, when I was obviously struggling with my balance, come straight at me with her baby stroller clearly with no intention of slowing down or changing her path.

There have been people who have stopped and held a door open for me, but overall it's pretty hostile out there to someone who isn't at 100%.

Books, ebooks and minimalism

I have been living a minimalist life, downsizing and trying to keep possessions to a minimum since the 1990s.

Lately I've been thinking about books, keeping them or letting them go.

Mostly I don't regret clearing out the majority of my books but I've realized that there is justification for keeping books that you've read.  If you have a physical copy of a book you can check back to remind yourself of the content and particularly of the ending.  Just having it there provides an awareness of what is was about, what it meant to you.  I mainly buy ebooks now and they are always there but it's not the same as having them on a shelf.  I find at times when I'm opening an ebook that I will look at what I've recently read and it's like I remember it but I have in a way forgotten about reading it.  A book on a shelf keeps you aware that you've read it.

So one of the things in life with contradictory feelings connected to it.  I like having books around but I don't like clutter or owning a lot of things.

Food. (Jan 19/24)

 

I'm old.    I live alone.   I have digestive issues.

I have never liked cooking and nowadays it just feels like so much effort and mess.

The list of food items that I can no longer eat is very long:  peppers, onions, cucumbers, spices of any kind, some herbs, tomato sauce, anything really greasy...

There are lots of frozen entree type things available but they generally add things for flavouring or colour (spices, garlic, onions, peppers, etc) which means I can't eat them.  Not to forget the generally huge salt and fat content.  Also, the portion size is ridiculously small.

The reason I started this post was that I was thinking about bologna and wieners.  These are foods that I now get terrible ingestion from and of course fat, salt, spices.  But I have always loved them and it would be wonderful if I could just rely on bologna and hot dogs as my meat consumption. I'd be happy to eat them six days a week.  Or some weeks, seven.

I now mainly buy ground meat in large packages.  I fry that up and remove as much grease as I can and then divide it into portions for the freezer.  

Lately I seem to have turned against vegetables which is a surprise because I've always like them in the past.  I eat them because they're "good for me" but I don't like them.  I find now the best way to manage them is to use a packet of instant broth (of course, again, salt) and cook them as soup.

I've written before about my dislike for brown rice and brown bread.  I recently tried whole wheat bread again and ended up throwing half the loaf out.

Have I written all this before?  I wonder.  This blog has been around for a long time and I don't know when I last looked back at any of it