Vulnerable

 

My "drop foot" is slowly improving and while I still limp when walking it is less pronounced.  Walking in the outside world I get frustrated because it slows me down and I get tired quickly.  I can also feel a bit of strain in my right hip and I don't want that to become another problem.

I've been given some gentle exercises to do and told to keep my spine as straight as I can - don't bend over when brushing my teeth, sit up straight in chairs.  My home needs a good vacuuming, dusting and the floors mopped but I'm basically afraid of the lifting and moving that involves -  I don't want to make things worse or have a relapse.

I'm wondering if maybe the time has come when I can't go on doing my own housework.  

I'm feeling very vulnerable.  This situation has made me so aware of how little it would take for me to not be able to manage living on my own anymore.  At the same time I have to admit that I am in many ways tired of managing on my own.  I have many minor home repairs that should be done but avoid doing anything about them as long as I can find a way around them.  

I have two friends who have moved into an independent-living seniors apartment building and are very happy.  I am very attracted to the idea of not being responsible for minor repairs or replacing/repairing aging appliances, or getting the ducts cleaned or the heat/cool unit serviced.  Also having staff available if I should need medical assistance.   (Or am I just lazy?)

I am also a little hesitant about giving up owning my own place and going back to being a tenant. Yet as I type that I feel a little happy twinge at the thought of not owning.