Sadness

 

There are moments when I'm near to weeping for the gentle gay boys 

who will be born into the world I fear is coming.

Netflix: Movie: May December

About two truly awful women who are vain, manipulative, self-centered and do their best to destroy the people around them.

 

Memory

Everyone should have the chance,

at least once,

to dance naked in the rain.

And if you're very lucky,

when puberty first calls,

to dance naked

in the light

of a full moon.

Netflix: Tore

 

I watched the whole series and I tried to like it.  I tried to like the lead character. I really did.

I always try to watch gay content just because I hope it helps to encourage them to do more.)

But:  The lead character was so totally obnoxious, just a horrible human being.  I thought that was the point of the series and he would "learn about life" and become a better person by the end.  But no.  A prick the whole way through.  Why would any of the other characters in his life put up with him?  It's not like even at his best (usually when he wanted something from someone) that he was likeable.  

 

POP!

 

So.

If you put an egg on to boil and then pick up your book and get engrossed and forget all about that egg, the water will boil dry and eventually you will hear a loud bang and when you run to check there will bits of egg spread over a radius of about three feet.

Popular Music

 

Repeating the same phrase over and over and over doth not a song lyric make.

Netflix: Movie: The Conference

 

I love this movie.

From Sweden.

A slasher film.  Set in a camp as so often but this time with adults instead of annoying teens.

Everything about this film is well done.  The acting, the music, the sets, the gore and the story.  It moves from drama to comedy to horror with absolute precision.  

There's simply nothing negative to be said.

Star Trek Picard: Season 3

 

1) It was lovely seeing all the old cast together again.  I have watched Star Trek as broadcast since they originally aired.  The original Star Trek and The New Generation are without doubt my favourites.

2) Amanda Plummer is simply wonderful.  The absolute highlight of the whole series.

One on One Works Best

So I had some friends over for dinner last weekend.

And once again the same dynamic took place.  I tried to be part of the conversation but I was essentially ignored for the whole evening.

I tried the technique or talking softly (partly to get anyone's attention, but also to try an make them stop talking so loudly) and that did nothing.

I tried the technique of keeping on talking so someone would stop and listen but they ignored me again and kept right on talking to each other.

Someone was showing pictures on their phone and actually showed them to everyone but me.

The thing is, these are all people who I get along fine with and have reasonably good conversations with - although more listening than speaking on my part - when we are in a one on one situation,

In the end though, I'm old, I'm introverted, I'm not likely to make any new friends so I have to hold on to those I have even though they may annoy me.

Senior Moment?

 

It's Canadian Thanksgiving weekend and roast turkey is one of my favourite foods so I picked up a bone-in skin-on turkey breast and roasted it yesterday and had a really nice early Thanksgiving dinner. 

I'm going out for another one tonight. Yes, that's how fond I am of a roast turkey dinner.

So after dinner last night I cleaned up the kitchen and separated the turkey meat from the bones and skin and was looking forward to leftover turkey - sandwiches, stir fry, warmed-over, a la king.

I had the turkey packaged up but decided it was still pretty warm so I decided to let it sit a bit before I put I in the fridge.

This morning when I went to make tea I was surprised to see something sitting on the counter, and then totally appalled to realize I had left the turkey sitting out all night.

So several meals worth of good turkey meat are in the garbage.

Senior moment or just plain stupidity?

Masking Again

 

Covid is still around.

I'm back to wearing a mask inside stores.  Not on the street yet, unless it's crowded.

I'm still going to restaurants that have patios but I'm avoiding eating inside unless the place is practically empty and I may stop doing that for the winter.

One of the nice things about wearing a mask is that I know it pisses off the anti-masking types.

TV: Holding

 

Another winner from Acorn TV.

This was just a lovely miniseries.  The acting is perfect from everyone. 

It felt as though they knew how to use quiet and silence to say so much.

There were some kind, gentle moments that could break your heart.

10/10 for this one.

Thoughts on Aging. Aug 28, 2023

 

I am very grateful to still be alive in my mid-70s.  Many people do not get to this age and the experience of aging is very interesting and is part of life and I'm glad not to have missed it.

When you're young aging seems like a sad thing and you tend to think of your body getting old and your looks and abilities fading.  Those things are true, and they matter, but when you are actually old they matter less and less.  

You do have a sense of a life having been lived and that is a good and comforting thing. You of course do hope that it is lived for a while longer.  It becomes easier to live in the day - you still plan ahead but you don't count on tomorrow coming in the same way you once did.

If you're lucky, as I have been, you also get to retire in a reasonably comfortable financial and physical situation and the freedom of the post-retirement years for me has been a wonderful thing. 

Like most people I think my greatest concern with aging is my mental state and I am grateful every day that I am still able to function on my own.  Not that those little "senior moments" when you have trouble recalling something don't cause concern.

Then there is death.  It looms closer.  Yet it is less of a concern as it does get closer.  At my age I have lost friends and of course many of the public figures I grew up knowing have also passed.  So there is a feeling that in my turn I will be part of that process of the people and the times I knew passing from the world and I will be simply taking my place in that. It feels a little melancholy but not really frightening.  

I don't believe in an afterlife, I think when I die I will simply be gone.

Many people die at young ages which is not "fair".  Especially deaths that are not due to illness or accidents but are caused by war, crime, anger, jealousy, poverty- things that don't need to be but are only there because of human actions.

On Demand

 

I find that I never watch any program on live TV now.  Everything I watch is either on demand or on the internet or on a DVD I've borrowed from the library.

Recently I was thinking back to "the old days" , as we old folks are wont to do, and remembering waiting all week for the next episode of a series on PBS.

Also, having to be sure to be in front of the TV at the right (and only) time to catch the next episode or a series you watched.  If you missed it that was it unless you were able to catch it months later on a summer rerun.

Not that I mind being able to see things when I choose, it's wonderful.  My only issue is that there is so much that I would like to watch and not enough time.  

I generally spend my mornings doing chores and errands (I like to get out and home before noon in order to avoid the busier world from lunchtime onward), then the afternoon reading,TV after dinner, then more reading before turning off the light and going to sleep.  

I thought I would have so much time for myself when I retired but the days fly by and there's no possible way to do, read, see all the things I would like.

Laundry Soap

 

I have noticed that powdered laundry soap seems to be disappearing.  There are very few packages or brands on the grocery store shelf and the price has soared.  Some stores don't stock it at all.

I have been coerced by this to start using liquid detergent and while it does the job I wonder why, at a time when there is so much concern about plastic waste, I'm being forced to use a product that results in an empty plastic container that has to be dealt with.  With the powdered detergent you're left with an easily biodegradable cardboard box.

I don't like the laundry pods either.  They leave you with no control over how much detergent you're going to use per load.  The manufacturer has complete control over how many loads you can do with one package.

Old vs Elderly

As a person in my 70's I've seen people my age referred to as both "old" and as "elderly" and I have been thinking about what the difference is.  I know that I don't mind being referred to as "old" (because I know I am!) but I'm not so pleased with the "elderly" label.

To me the difference comes down to how you are able to function in the world.  I think elderly becomes the correct term when there are things you can no longer manage on your own.  Managing on your own is key and I'm very grateful that I'm still able to live on my own and take care of myself.

Certainly there are things that don't function the way they once did.  I have medications that I take to deal with some things, I can't run or walk really fast for any significant distance, I have an ankle and knee that still bother a bit after an injury several years ago, there are foods that my gut doesn't handle well, but these are manageable things that make me feel old but not elderly.

What I do find difficult now is dealing with the outside world.  It seems busy and things seem to move so quickly and I can feel overwhelmed with too much happening at the same time.  I don't like being in busy stores or on busy sidewalks.  I'm not as good at new situations and I find people get impatient with me because I take more time to process new information or instructions.  This is when I feel elderly.  I'm still managing but I feel less confident about my coping abilities.

I pretty much stopped driving quite a few years ago (when I gave up owning a car) and certainly now I would not even attempt to drive a car downtown in the city. 

Movie Makeovers

 

I watch a lot of old movies and tv shows. 

A thing that often happens is the "makeover" of a female character who is considered "plain" into one who is "fashionable" and thus suddenly because on object of desire for all men.

But what I note in looking at such things now is that almost always the character looks far better before the makeover.

TV: Chucky, Seasons One and Two

 

I wasn't going to watch this but decided to give it a try.

It was great.  The writing was wonderful.  Just when you thought the plot had backed itself into a corner some new twist happened and off the story went.

The second half of the second season in particular was just a wonderful manic romp with allusions to all sorts of things flashing in and out.

The cast was good and were certainly up for anything.  I had the feeling that Jennifer Tilly and Rosemary Dunsmore in particular were just ready to go for it.

Lost Things

 

I was reading today and the author mentioned a picture of a milkweed.  That reminded me that I once owned a picture, that I rather liked, of a milkweed and I wondered whatever became of it.  I don't think it involved anything dramatic but I just don't recall it leaving my life.

During the last thirty years or so since I embraced minimalism there are so many things that have been discarded but those have been deliberate decisions that I remember making.  I occasionally  think of one of those things and say to myself, "Yes, that was a nice thing" but not in any sense of missing it or regretting letting go of it.

But there are those other things that now and then come to mind, things that were once part of life, that are simply gone.

In turn that leads to the realization of just how many many things I have owned over the years.

It would be nice if you could go back over your life and pull the things, the pieces of clothing, the books, movies, tv shows, types of food, moments, and people, everything that you really liked, into the present.

Book: Livingsky, by Anthony Bidulka

 I liked this book very much.

There was a vividness to the setting and characters that totally involved me.

I liked these people.

I really hope he follows up with more books in this setting.

I have read Mr. Bidulka's books for many years and have always found them to be good reads.

BritBox

 

I subscribed to BritBox and I am so pleased with the service.  

There are lots of mystery programs which is the kind of viewing I most enjoy at this stage of my life.  

There are new programs but also older shows like A Touch of Frost, Morse, Dalziel and Pascoe, Bergeron. Some of these I've seen before but it's been so long that they seem like new to me.

They also have the extant episodes of the original Dr. Who series from the twentieth century.  I remember watching them when they were first broadcast on the CBC and seeing them now is like getting in touch with old friends.  I'm also enjoying seeing anew how creative the BBC people were putting these together on a limited budget.

I still have Netflix but I watch less and less as time goes by.  Perhaps it just my age but I'm just not interested in supernatural, post-apocalyptic, magic, superhero, crime, gangster and romance programs.  I'm keeping it at the moment.

Rule?

 

In movies and TV shows, there should be a rule that one never, never, kills off the pretty blond boy.

(And by "boy" I mean, "young man in his twenties".)

Declining quality

I bought a new fan yesterday.

It was a model I have owned before and liked.

When I opened the box it turned out it is made of very lightweight plastic and high speed on this fan moves the air at most at the same rate as medium speed on the old model.

 I can't remember if I wrote about the replacement desk lamp I bought a while ago.  It was so shabby that I just threw it out and decided to try and get the old one rewired.

I hear people saying similar things about fridges and other appliances.  

Perhaps with our new consciousness of the environment and waste we will be able to demand some quality in our purchases. 

In the mad dash for profit all these conglomerate corporations seem to have lost all track of the idea of supplying a good product at a reasonable profit.

Junior

 

Thank god I wasn't named after my father.

Imagine going through life (until your father's death) with "Jr." after you name, let alone being called "Junior".

What a demeaning thing to inflict on a child.  What an egotistical thing to do.

I wonder what percentage of patricides are committed by "Juniors"?

(But then I grew up terrified of my father so I do have father issues.)

My First Apartment

For some reason the last few days I have been thinking about my first apartment.

It was a studio and furnished with hand-me-downs (in the days when you were glad to get them and didn't just go to IKEA or Dollarama and buy new stuff) and discards picked up on the street from people's garbage (amazing what a bit of paint can do).  It was on the expensive side but was in a nice building in a good neighbourhood and had an unobstructed view over the city.  And it was quiet - I never heard a sound from any neighbour.

I was very happy living there.  I left only because I decided to go to graduate school and needed to save money.

I have lived many places since then but I don't think I have ever been as happy with my residence.

 

Minimalism March 7, 2023

This morning I went to IKEA to pick up a lamp that I've looked at at least twice and this week finally decided I would buy.

As a minimalist I'm careful about what I bring into my home and this lamp was a replacement for an old one that is shabby, but still working.

But, they were out of stock.

So I've taken that as a "message" that I really don't need to replace a lamp that is still working, shabby or not.

It's not like a lot of my other furnishings are not looking a bit tired.

I remember when I was young thinking I would never be like old people who let their homes get shabby.

But here we are.

TV Viewing

So, continuing with the three free months of AppleTV+.

I really like Slow Horses.

I've tried several other things but nothing has caught my interest.  So that seems to be the end of that experience.  I'll wait until closer to the end of the three months to cancel the subscription before they start charging me for it.

I also haven't been finding much to watch on Netflix of late.

Perhaps I'm just tired of TV period.

I am tired of series that take a storyline and drag it out for 6, 8 or more episodes, which crawl along with lots of acting but very little actual plot advancement.  And then in the last episode they leave you with a hanging ending because they're hoping to get a second (or more) season.  

I may drop Netflix and give BritBox a try.  The British do such a good job with their detective type series.

The good part of that it that it leaves me more time for reading which has for a while taken a back seat to TV.  

Withdrawal

 

I'm pretty sure I've posted before about my introversion and not being upset with the pandemic caused isolation.  

Now though I find many things are back to "normal" and although I'm doing some socializing I'm not back to the limited amount I did pre-pandemic.  One friend died during the pandemic, not from Covid, but I'm still seeing less of my other friends.  I'm not upset about that, I'm quite happy on my own, but I do worry a bit that it isn't good for me.

I've heard that older people can easily become isolated and that is certainly true for me.  I don't have any young people in my life and I don't/do not want to/will not get involved in volunteer activities (that would involve dealing with people) even though that is the usual suggestion.

The recent unprovoked subway and street attacks on random people are not making it any easier for me to go out in the world.  I feel even less comfortable walking and moving about the city than before, and I never have felt all that secure.  I don't know how women navigate this unsafe world.  I feel somewhat vulnerable as a gay man but women are even more of a target.

But all that aside, what has become clear and does concern me is that I'm feeling quite sure that I'm not going to travel again.  I've never liked travelling but now the idea of dealing with airports and sitting on an airplane just seems impossible.  I am so irritable around people and the idea of sitting surrounded by strangers on a plane just brings on a response in my head of, "No, no, no!".  I am usually invited to the Atlantic coast for a week during the summer and just feel I can't cope with the travel or restaurant meals and unfamiliar situations.  But this also means that a large number of longtime friends who live other places, and are unlikely to visit here, are probably never going to be seen in person again.

So I see this withdrawal from the world happening and it clearly does concern me but I don't see that I'm going to be taking any action to avoid it.

Minimalism Feb 10, 2023

 

I have this easy chair that I never sit in, partly because I'm suspicious it aggravates my sciatica, but I've never really found it all that comfortable.  But the usual mind things of, "I paid good money for it" or "the room will look empty without it" or "maybe I'll get used to it" have been kicking in.  

So last week I moved it to another room just to see how I felt about it being "gone" - at first the space seemed a little empty but within a couple of days I was loving seeing the open space, and of course not missing the chair since I never sit in it.

So today it's going down to the condo garbage area where someone can take it if they want it or it will just get thrown out.

Downsizing can be kind of addictive.  I get thinking there's nothing left I can discard and thenI find myself looking at something and the thought creeps in, "Maybe I don't need that", and it always feels so good when something goes.

AppleTV+: For All Mankind

 

I did not expect to like this.  However, I'm now bingeing Season Three and am totally hooked.  It's a fun mix of science fiction and soap opera.  The cast is great as are the effects.

I'm on a free three month trial of AppleTV+ that came with my new computer so I'm busy looking at what they have and trying things out.

Figure Skating

 So, I just watched the men's short program at the European Championships and, I know I'm old and not aware of or a fan of popular music, but overall I found the music choices in this competition just dreadful.

Loud, repetitive, drum-filled noise.  How can there be any artistic expression connected to this?  It's one thing for regular dancing where they can just flop their bodies around as sexually as possible, but skating provides such a wonderful opportunity for flow and speed and grace - and most of them just throw that away.

I know the new rules and marking system are fairer than anything before but it's also resulted in so many programmes being so similar.  The pairs start with a throw triple twist and then go to the other end of the rink and do a pairs jump.  The individual short programmes start with a bit of skating followed by two jump passes.  There's more variation in ice dancing but again a lot of awful music choices.

I have been a fan and follower of skating since the 1960's, and have been pleased to see so much more coverage available - thank you ISU and the internet.  But I'm sad to say that I'm losing interest in watching.  

Actually, when I'm able to watch coverage to the entire competition, it's often the lower ranked skaters in the first groups that I enjoy the most.