Withdrawal

 

I'm pretty sure I've posted before about my introversion and not being upset with the pandemic caused isolation.  

Now though I find many things are back to "normal" and although I'm doing some socializing I'm not back to the limited amount I did pre-pandemic.  One friend died during the pandemic, not from Covid, but I'm still seeing less of my other friends.  I'm not upset about that, I'm quite happy on my own, but I do worry a bit that it isn't good for me.

I've heard that older people can easily become isolated and that is certainly true for me.  I don't have any young people in my life and I don't/do not want to/will not get involved in volunteer activities (that would involve dealing with people) even though that is the usual suggestion.

The recent unprovoked subway and street attacks on random people are not making it any easier for me to go out in the world.  I feel even less comfortable walking and moving about the city than before, and I never have felt all that secure.  I don't know how women navigate this unsafe world.  I feel somewhat vulnerable as a gay man but women are even more of a target.

But all that aside, what has become clear and does concern me is that I'm feeling quite sure that I'm not going to travel again.  I've never liked travelling but now the idea of dealing with airports and sitting on an airplane just seems impossible.  I am so irritable around people and the idea of sitting surrounded by strangers on a plane just brings on a response in my head of, "No, no, no!".  I am usually invited to the Atlantic coast for a week during the summer and just feel I can't cope with the travel or restaurant meals and unfamiliar situations.  But this also means that a large number of longtime friends who live other places, and are unlikely to visit here, are probably never going to be seen in person again.

So I see this withdrawal from the world happening and it clearly does concern me but I don't see that I'm going to be taking any action to avoid it.