June 18

As a project during distancing I have been working my way through my CD collection, listening to one a day.  I estimate there are 150-200 of them.

I used to listen to music all the time.  If I wasn't watching TV there was usually classical music playing although most of my CD's are cabaret singers.  Now I find I rarely have music on and there are times when I find it totally annoying.

Now I mainly have white noise or drone type things on to try block out the background noises created by my thoughtless neighbours.

Listening so far I've found that some are much as I remember, some I find awful and I may discard them, and some are far better.

As I do this I wonder if this will be the last time I ever listen to many of them.

I don't regret buying them because at the time they meant something to me and I enjoyed them.

TV: 13 Reasons Why

The storylines were of course pretty unbelievable but the characters were what caught my attention and what kept me watching through 4 seasons, even though after each season ended I said I wouldn't watch the next.

The final episode had me sobbing.  It certainly worked dramatically and yes, life is often unfair and I suppose that was the purpose of doing what they did.  But still...

Someone once asked me if I believed in reincarnation and I said I hoped not since that would mean I'd have to go through high school again.

And.  The very final scene was prefect.

June 8 ,2020

So, week three and they're still doing damn renovations.  Today it's been on and off but when it's on it sounds like they're trying to drill through my walls.

I can't complain to my friends about the noise because they're all sick of hearing me complain about noise.

I know that I'm hypersensitive to noise but knowing that does not mean that it upsets me any less when I'm forced to be exposed to it.   I also know there's nothing I can do about it and there's no place I can go except death to be free of it, but again, doesn't mean it bothers me any less.

I went for a walk to be away from it for a bit.  I walked as much as I could where there was greenery and it was so wonderful to be near trees, but I couldn't stop and just sit because -- pandemic, people.

I returned the items I had out from the library but I won't be borrowing anything physical for the duration.  There are lots of ebooks available and I have Netflix now.

I stopped and got takeout fish+chips on the way home, the first time I've had takeout since lockdown started.  It was "white fish" and there was something about the texture that I just didn't like and I ended up eating the batter but discarding the fish.  The fries were OK and the cole slaw was delicious.  My stomach problems have been much reduced during the last 12 weeks when I've been relying on my own meal preparation.

In all honestly I'm not missing seeing people much at all.  I'm in touch with friends but I find too many and too long phone calls annoying.  With email and social media I have more control over when and how much time I spend with "others". 

May 27

Jesus Christ!

We're in the middle of a pandemic and the building is full of people stuck in their units and some shit is doing renovations and making hammering and drilling noises.

What kind of subhuman self-centered selfish asshole does something like that to their neighbours?

What a prick!

May 8, 2020

While there are times when I'm worried or frustrated overall, as an introvert, I'm quite content at home.

Then there are days like today when looking ahead I know I don't have to go out or see anyone or deal with anything for days on end and I feel so so happy and content.

May 6, 2020 #2

So, aside from usual clunks from my neighbours and people in other units banging their damn doors shut now there are people down in the drive under my windows playing bloody frisbee.

It wouldn't be a problem but they keep dropping it and I can hear that throughout my unit, and it's warm enough that I really need to have windows open.  

(Once the AC is turned on for the season I will run it non-stop until it is switched off in the fall and never have the windows open.)

Two of them are middle-aged men with gray hair tied up in ponytails.  I hate men in ponytails at any age but in middle age or older it is just ridiculous.

I fucking hate human beings.

May 6, 2020

I'm a terrible person I guess but people have been calling me and I should be grateful for friends but I really don't feel like talking talking talking.

I like email and OCCASIONAL texts where it doesn't take up too much time.  I'm busy and don't have enough hours in the day for reading and podcasts and chores let alone Netflix.

I'm all too good at isolating myself.