Wednesday, April 5, 2017

I am not good at remaining calm when anything outside of my comfortable routine is going to have to be dealt with at some specific point in the future.

Dentist/doctor appointments, getting tax return papers to the accountant on time, surgery - anything that breaks into my comfortable retiring retired existence causes me anxiety.

I think I long for a life of complete and utter calm with no demands even though I know that such a thing is impossible.  Things impinge on everyone's life and the only way that is going to stop is with death.

I feel such as sense of relief, even accomplishment, when one of these things has been completed but as soon as the time for some other thing starts to get close I begin obsessing.   The time when I start this varies with the event.  For the dentist, maybe the week in which the appointment happens.   For air travel it can be weeks or even months.

The period between being finished with one thing and starting to stew about another is really wonderful.

I do wish that I could learn to just appreciate the calm of each quiet day as it happens and not let these life events enslave me until they until they actually arrive.

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