Library

 

I can still remember, so clearly, the day my mother told me I was going with the neighbour kids to join this thing called a library.  I was very young but must have been old enough to be able to read.

I was amazed and thrilled to find that I could borrow books.

The town library at that time was up above a store on the main street of town so it couldn't have been large.  I remember when the new library in its own building opened.

I'm still a regular user of the public library and I can't imagine stopping.  

The recent closures of the Toronto Library due first to the pandemic and then the hacking incident were an unneeded reminder of just how much the library means to me.

"It Gets Better"

 

This is said a lot, is actually a "thing" that is said to comfort people, especially young people, who are being bullied.

It is true, it does get better when you're older and away from school years which is where most bullying seems to happen.  Not to minimize bullying in the workplace or relationships.

But "better" does not mean there are no consequences, no aftereffects.  

Those colour your whole life.

A Casual Cruelty

Many years ago I had a friend who owned three cats. He lived in an apartment and the cats were completely indoor creatures.  The apartment was their whole world.

One cat was completely intimidated by the other two.  One in particular was a real bully.  My friend had to leave a closet sliding door open because the third cat spent her entire life on the top shelf of that closet looking out but rarely leaving.  I don't know when she was able to slip out and eat or use the litter.

Eventually the two other cats died and she was left alone as the only cat.  She was a different creature - friendly and out and about all the time.  She was happy.

Then my friend decided he wanted more than one cat and brought another cat home.

So it was back to the closet shelf for the rest of her life.

I thought then, and still do, that for a person who claimed to love animals it was just simply an incredibly cruel and thoughtless thing to bring another animal into a home where she had for such a little time been free and happy..

It was obvious what would happen when he brought another cat into the home.

I never felt that same about my friend.  This was no doubt one of the reasons that the friendship ended.

 

Full Retreat

"...a man in full retreat from life."

                                                  ? Kurt Vonnegut ?

I almost certain that's a quote from a Kurt Vonnegut book but I can't remember which one and I had no success trying to search it.

In any case, it's a line I've been thinking about recently in regard to my own life.  I doubt it's unique to me, and certainly not true for everyone, but I have been retreating from the world for several years now.  Partly this is because of getting older but I think it's also because aging and being retired has allowed basic parts of my personality to come to the fore.

I think one of the first indicators was when I stopped going to movies because I had come to find audiences just too annoying to tolerate - partly because of their behaviours but also because I just didn't want to be stuck in a room with a bunch of people.   Also having to be there at a set time seemed a bother in a world where most movies appear so quickly on at-home media.  I remember in my thirties running out to see almost every movie the week it opened in the city and at some point I stopped feeling that need.  My feelings about live theatre, concerts etc are much the same, if not more negative.

I have never liked parties. Even with groups that I know well I tend to be shy in larger gatherings so I end up hanging around not talking much and just waiting until I can leave without seeming rude.  I'm reasonably comfortable in groups of up to six or so.

I am someone who has always been very comfortable being on my own.  Back in my twenties and thirties at times I used to feel lonely and long for someone to share my life with but it's been a long time now since I have felt that. (Even then, when I was "dating" someone I would feel annoyed that they would feel that they had a claim on my time.)  I still enjoy getting together with the (limited number of) people in my life but usually I am very happy when the occasion is over and I can go home and be on my own.

I dread having to interact with people.  I show up for medical and dental appointments because it's the reasonable and necessary thing to do.  I put off home repairs and do work arounds with issues as long as I possibly can since I don't want to deal with service people.  

So yes, I'm in full retreat.  This is aided by the online world that is so easily accessed - I can feel in contact with the outside world but not have to deal with it face to face.

I'm not concerned about this.  I'm generally happy at home (except of course when my neighbours make noise!) and I don't miss the things I'm avoiding.   It's like travelling - I know people get a lot out of seeing the world, and I have made a few trips, but when I'm away I'm always waiting to go home.  

In any case, you can't have, do, see, experience everything.  In the end you need to do what's right for you.

Movie: Five (1951)

 

I watched this movie this week (thank you Tubi) for the first time in at least fifty years.  I remembered it so clearly from seeing it all those years ago as a child.  I was surprised how accurate my memory of it is. It certainly made an impression on me back then and I am pleased that I still find it such a good film.

I have looked up reviews of it and while it is overall well thought of I feel that it has been underrated.  I imagine a lot of that has to do with it being thought of as a sci-fi/horror flick and nothing more.  (I do not mean to denigrate sci-fi/horror - I am a lover of the genre, particularly those from the 1950s).

I think there is a lot more going on than just the framework  post-apocalyptic story.  To me it's more about the characters and people in general, in the same way Lord of the Flies is about more than a bunch of schoolboys having an adventure.

It should be noted that when this was made the story of a post-atomic world was a new thing, not yet a bit of a cliche.

I'm very fond of black and white photography and this is very well done here,  There's a grandeur captured in many scenes, a feeling that what is happening to these people is important.  (It reminds me somewhat of the cinematography in films of Leni Riefenstahl (she's a controversial figure but she knew how to use film.)).  I particularly like that so much is conveyed visually without dialogue or commentary (often in just one or two simple shots) - which is something that should happen in a visual media.  

Many reviews commented on the fact that these were unknown actors, as though that made their performances somehow lesser.  All of them were excellent - I have no quibbles at all with any of them.

Unquiet

 

I've lived in this building for twenty years and I've noticed such a difference in noise.

The first few years I almost never heard a sound from inside the building (unless someone was doing actual construction or they were vacuuming the hallways etc) but now I hear all sorts of random clunks and bangs from early morning until late evening.  

The population of this condo has changed over the years and now there are a lot of young (i.e. under 50!) people living here.

I've noticed that many people on this hallway seem incapable of shutting their main door quietly.  They just pull it shut with a thump, or just let it bang shut on its own.

I was wondering if this is because young people just do not have quiet in their lives.  Ever.  They're constantly listening to something or someone so they never experience an absence of noise.  Judging by all the ear buds and such that I see I suspect they are totally addicted to having some sound.  For example the people wandering around this summer, not using ear plugs, and blasting music out of some device and subjecting all the neighbourhood around them to their choice of music.  Or workmen who seem to be incapable of doing outside work on a house unless their radio (truck or portable ) is blaring away.       Quiet is just not a part of their lives.

I've no doubt nattered on about this in other posts since I am a lover of quiet and unwanted noise has been a huge issue for me all of my adult life.

        

Looking Forward

Another year starting.  Of course a time for remembering and looking to the future.   Usually a time of year when it feels like a fresh start.

I find that something has changed this year.  

I think as we go through life we often think of things that we would like to do "someday".  Or places we would like to go "someday".  Or that we will find love, or a better career, or a great place to live -- "someday".

But I'm old now and I realize I'm not thinking in those terms anymore.  I don't think my life is going to change drastically - at least at my instigation, health issues and such could force change upon me - I don't think I'll be travelling anymore or falling in love or accomplishing anything much or really doing anything other than my day to day life as it is.  Not that I'm not enjoying my life.  I just don't think there's time left for new things.