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Good Intentions

www.yougavemespeech.blogspot.com

Inner Image

 

When I was growing up my parents, aunts and uncles, told me how although they were older they still felt the same inside.

And they were right.  However my external appearance may have changed inside the feeling of being me stayed essentially constant.  

In these later years I have many times been a bit surprised out in the world seeing myself in a mirror or reflected in a surface.  As though I had to remind myself that I actually am an old man.

I have felt myself failing somewhat in the past year, not able to do physically what I have always done, not as quick, not as energetic, occasionally having trouble remembering names or words.

Along with that I have noticed recently that my inner image has changed too.  Internally I think of myself as an old man.  My refection no longer surprises me.

A Vulgar Display

 

Many years ago when I was quite young I saw a movie on tv.  I think it was probably Love is a Ball with Hope Lange and Glenn Ford.  I haven't tracked it down to rewatch it to be certain but that's not necessary for what I want to say.

What I remember is a romantic comedy with the usual shenanigans going on but at one point the wealthy heiress, played by Hope Lange, is involved with something that her disapproving grandmother refers to as 

"a vulgar display of wealth."

That phrase really struck me at the time and it has stayed with me all my life.  I think it gave me a shorthand reminder that we are capable of, and allowed, and should, make judgments of things in our lives and in the world.  

In our modern world there is no dearth of examples of vulgar displays of wealth but what is much more common are vulgar displays of consumption.  

Marketing, advertising, social media - all show us things and people joyously using them.  But really, isn't a lot of it just too much?

I"m not saying we shouldn't have nice things or that everything we own has to be functional and sensible. But I do think we need to be conscious of why we have things and that we have them for our own reasons and not because of outside influences.

In the same vein I think we should be judging the roots of many of our desires for things -the influencers, the advertisers and marketers, the people who are only famous for being famous.

It's far too easy to waste our precious living time following external influences without judging them. 

Less?

 

I have posted before about minimalism and about how I'm reasonably satisfied with the amount of things I currently own.

However.  

Recently "Miss Minimalist" (who was my most helpful guide when I was first beginning my minimalist life) posted on Instagram asking, hypothetically, what would we take if we had to evacuate in a hurry with just what we could carry in a backpack.

It's an interesting question but it has prompted in me this feeling that I would like to get rid of almost everything I own.  I know this is unreasonable and it is not going to happen but that feeling is with me.

At my age I'm not about to start sleeping on a piece of foam on the floor or living with one plate, one cup, one set of silverware etc.   

Yet, while not realistic, just thinking about it brings a smile to my face.

Uncomfortable

 

I live in downtown Toronto. I don't know if it's just me but since the warmer weather arrived something feels different.   

I feel that I've really aged this past year (and being ill last fall certainly didn't help with that) and I know old people feel, and are, more vulnerable, but I don't think that's all there is to it.  

I just feel very uncomfortable walking around now, as though people are angry in general and a hairbreadth away from loosing control.  There's just this sense of hostility everywhere. 

Certainly even simple acts of courtesy and few.

Of course simply the number of people living downtown has ballooned with the construction of all these tall condo buildings.  Each one has hundreds of residents but sidewalk space has not increased so maybe it's not surprising that tempers are short when we're constantly trying to navigate around each other.

This morning I walked toward a couple walking their dog on the sidewalk.  They nicely moved to one side but when I came level with this large dog it suddenly lunged at me and started growling and barking.  I jumped away and he pulled that dog back but it really really scared me.  And all I got from them was a very insipid, "Sorry about that."

Overall I just find it more difficult to simply walk around going about my business.  I have always felt a bit uncomfortable walking at night but now I have the same feeling anytime I go out.

Less Choice

 

I've been noticing for a while now that there is less choice of product in the grocery stores. (Certainly in the many grocery stores I patronize in downtown Toronto.)

Some brands such as Kleenex and Stouffer's Frozen Entrees have disappeared altogether. (Both of which I miss.)

Campbell's soups have far fewer varieties that they used to.

I have written before about the difficulty in finding powder type laundry detergent.  The only store I can find now that carries the powdered form of Tide is Canadian Tire.  

The latest loss I have noticed is in the variety of jams.  There used to be all sorts of interesting options and now there are very few.  

Movies: Train to Busan (and its sequel) Peninsula

I don't know why zombies movies are so popular - I'm sure lots of people have come up with reasons- but,  bottom line, they're fun to watch.

I've been thinking about why I liked Train to Busan more and I think it's because, once you accept the zombies, the film is about ordinary people reacting in believable ways to a terrible situation.  Some are braver or more moral than others, but they're just people. You can relate to them. I cared about many of them and the ending was very emotional.  (Personally, I think it's one of the best zombie films ever made.)

In Peninsula there's some of that but many of the characters are anything but ordinary.  Extremely capable, extremely smart, extremely stupid, extremely evil.  I think I'm trying to say that I can relate to the people in the first film but in Peninsula the story and people are just a little too extreme to feel relatable the way they did in Train to Busan.   Not that Peninsula is a bad movie -  it's well done, well produced, well acted, a lot of fun to watch.