Thursday, April 13, 2017




Recently I've been trying a different approach to surviving all the clunks and bangs from various neighbours.

I've used noise sources in the past but I've always tried to turn them off whenever possible so that I could have at least a few hours, minutes, of peace.  Now I'm just leaving the noises to run 24 hours a day.  Currently in the bedroom/office I have rain sounds, plus thunderstorm sounds plus a fan running.  I spend most time in this room.   When I'm in other rooms I turn on additional things - the sound machine in the kitchen and/or the sound machine in the living room.  Sometimes the kitchen exhaust fan as well and the bathroom fan.  If it's warm enough that I'm forced to have the balcony door open as well I put a really loud fan right in the doorway (which also helps a bit to pull cooler air in).  I never use the "solarium" so there's nothing in there.

I try to vary the sounds a bit since I find that I can get used to them and then I start to hear the sounds under them.

It's not perfect, I can still sometimes hear bangs and such but with the constant noise they don't send me into a startle reflex as easily.

One downside is that I can only listen to music or watch TV using headphones or earbuds.

I seem to be adapting and I am sleeping better - I often now sleep until 7 a.m. instead of being jolted awake several times from 5:30 on.



Wednesday, April 12, 2017




I watched a news special recently about the future of housing development in the Toronto area.


Lots of nattering and pandering and protecting the interests of whomever the person speaking worked for but in the end the message was that there are many people going to come to the area in the next twenty years and there's no way there can be space for detached dwellings for all those people.  They can only hope for a condo in one of many buildings in densely developed areas along transportation routes.


Not to neglect the fact the majority of them will probably have to scramble just to afford that condo. And already, condos are getting smaller and smaller and smaller.


One panelist pointed out that balconies are a bad idea since they tend to deteriorate with the weather and require costly repairs.  So even that little bit of private outdoor space may be unavailable. (Personally I prefer not to have a balcony so I don't have to listen to the noise other people make while they are out on theirs.) Parks are all well and good but they are not private space where you can get away from humans and have some peace in the natural world.


I find it sad that owning your own house is something else that may become the prerogative of the one percent.  That the hope of having a place of your own is becoming a pipe dream - and while you may "own" a condo you are subject to many rules and conditions that make it feel like a rental.


I personally did not like owning houses, even the country.  Neighbours were annoying and noisy and intrusive but then I'm a person who does his best to isolate himself from humanity as much as possible.


Just think of how much more of everything, including space, there would be if the world held maybe one billion people instead of seven.


Tuesday, April 11, 2017




On the sidewalks, in stores, in restaurants, in the cinema.  On the phone or to someone else.


Talking, talking, talking.


Do they ever stop to breathe?


Do they ever stop to think?


Do they ever just simply SHUT UP?



Monday, April 10, 2017




RE:  My post of April 5.


One reason things bother me is that long in advance of their happening I start planning for them and rehearsing them in my head.  Over and over.

I think this is a way that I try to control my anxiety by being prepared for whatever is going to happen or whatever could possibly happen. But I think at the same time this keeps whatever it is, and the associated anxiety, really fresh in my mind.






Sunday, April 9, 2017




So.

A beautiful spring day in Toronto.
One of the first of the season.


Which means there are people out walking and the sidewalks are jammed.  It's hard to move, certainly if you're trying to get someplace and not just strolling along.


Which makes me wonder what the sidewalks are going to be like when all of these condos that are currently being built in the downtown core are occupied.


It's not like there are more sidewalks or neighbourhoods being added.  Just more people



Wednesday, April 5, 2017




I am not good at remaining calm when anything outside of my comfortable routine is going to have to be dealt with at some specific point in the future.


Dentist/doctor appointments, getting tax return papers to the accountant on time, surgery - anything that breaks into my comfortable retiring retired existence causes me anxiety.


I think I long for a life of complete and utter calm with no demands even though I know that such a thing is impossible.  Things impinge on everyone's life and the only way that is going to stop is with death.


I feel such as sense of relief, even accomplishment, when one of these things has been completed but as soon as the time for some other thing starts to get close I begin obsessing.   The time when I start this varies with the event.  For the dentist, maybe the week in which the appointment happens.   For air travel it can be weeks or even months.


The period between being finished with one thing and starting to stew about another is really wonderful.


I do wish that I could learn to just appreciate the calm of each quiet day as it happens and not let these life events enslave me until they until they actually arrive.



Wednesday, March 8, 2017




I have a friend who many times over the years has done this thing.


In conversation I tell him some interesting fact that I have come across and he will, at most, respond minimally but usually not at all.


Then, a few days later, in a group of people he will present the same fact but always, always, attribute it to "the paper" or "the news" but never, never, to me.


I've never been quite sure how to interpret this.

Does he truly not remember that I was the source?
Does he consciously just not want to give me credit?
Does he unconsciously think that I could not possibly be the origin of useful information?


Does he actually like me?